I'm Not Paige
by AlwaysDreaming95
Summary: Stiles is getting annoyed especially cause Derek is getting more distant in their... friendship. So when Scott finds an old yearbook of Derek's from the year Paige had died he can't but help to want to compare himself to his first love. It's amazing to get them together is a picture and some serious talking about feelings...


Stiles' POV

"So when are you going to tell Derek how you feel?" Scott asks me when he enters my room through my door, that's a rare occurrence.

I sigh as I look at my best friend as I jump to check my window, "Dude, what the hell?"

"What? I'm tired of you looking like a kicked puppy when he doesn't notice of your love puppy eyes? Plus I'm tired of him giving you longing eyes when you're not looking." he sighs as he drops on my desk chair.

I give him a look, "Derek, doesn't have feelings for me he hates me… he might stomach me, but he doesn't have romantic feelings for me."

Scott shrugs as he looks at his backpack that he had dropped at his feet, "So I had found an old yearbook from when Derek was 15."

"What seriously? Let me see maybe I can find out what Paige looked like."

Right away Scott pulls the bag towards his chest, "If that's the reason why then I'm not letting you. It's only going to hurt you like all the other woman you know of from Derek's past even the noncrazy or bitchy ones."

I sigh as I look at Scott until I jump at him trying to get a good hold of the bag. I sigh as I give up figuring I would not win a tug-a-war with a werewolf well unless I wanted to get hurt.

I give him a look as I say, "What kind of friend are you? Why won't you look at it? Can't I see lil Derek?"

"Stiles we've met younger Derek this is nothing. We've met him and you even said he hit on you when no one was looking so doesn't that have to mean that Derek now has to at least find you some form of attractive?"

I sigh remembering the awkwardness of dealing with that, "True, but just cause 15-year-old Derek had a thing for me doesn't mean that 24-year-old Derek likes me anymore."

Scott sighs, "You know I'll look through this and tell you if you would be Derek's type but if you look there if you have to realize all those women we know about are all over the board?"

"In looks, yeah, but their personalities are a bit alike… well, I'm not sure how Jennifer acted around him since she seemed to be a bit wimpy compared to others at least until we all found out her being a raging bitch of a darach."

"Yeah, a personality that is damn near like yours. You just want to know if he likes brunettes or blondes or something. Stiles just forget about this and deal with your feelings now. Stop using the fear of not being his type and just admit how you feel for him. If you do that then you two can pull your heads from your asses."

"What makes you think that I can just do this Scott? What if it gets weird? What if I have to leave the pack? I can't do that Scott. I mean we were able to save everyone thanks to that spell last year that worked out for us. We had just gotten Allison, Erica, and Boyd back. We had to come up with some bullshit lie, but they are back. They are themselves. I can't let my feelings get in the way of being with our friends again."

"That might be true and thanks to your understanding of spells we got them back and to the hell with what Deaton said about throwing the balance off. If anything the world owed us this. It has taken so much from us, but don't go and think that just cause you 2 wouldn't work out that we'd all abandon you like that. You are our friend, Stiles. We all love you no matter what."

I smile as I try not to cry cause you know guys don't cry bit, but to know that what Scott is saying is the truth I guess I might as well get all of this over with right.

"Fine, I'll talk to him after the meeting tonight."

"Talk to who?" I hear from my window.

I jump up onto Scott this time cause, looking at the window, Derek had decided to play creepy ninja again.

"Son of a bitch, Derek there's a thing called a doorbell. Dad knows you and likes you and all so you can use it. So stop coming to my bedroom window."

If I had to describe how he looked I'd almost say sheepish, "Yeah, Sorry…. Umm… I just had to talk to you about that spell that you said you were going to do on the border of the territory. I just wanted to know where so I could take you there this weekend."

I nod my head as Scott pushes me off of him and he seems to be watching Derek's reaction with me, because he scoffs as he says, "Hates you my ass."

I sigh as I hear this, but I have to agree where I watch the emotions of jealousy while Scott is holding me, worry when he drops me, and he seems relieved when I simply brush it off. I look at my best friend as he leaves glad he pulled his head out of his ass when he decided that he needed his up his game as my friend cause of something younger Derek had said to him one night. I remember him telling Scott that from what he heard he was less of a danger to me and maybe more of a protector for me than Scott ever had been since his turn to be a werewolf. It was a lil worrisome, but he did have a point. Even with him being a bit physical all I ever had from him was a slight bruise on my head when he hit it against the steering wheel.

"Did I interrupt something? I mean you were talking about talking to some guy."

"Yeah, umm… I was telling him about the guy I kind of had a thing for a while. I mean he's out of my reach, but we're kind of close and I want to help him. He's been hurt by all kinds of people and I guess I'm scared for that. Oh besides the fact I think he's straight."

"What? Issac or something you 2 have been really close friends that last year or so.'

I end up laughing as I shake my head, "Oh god no. Um… No, the guy I like," I pause as I take a deep breath and whisper as quietly as possible, "is you."

I watch Derek's eyes go from shielded go to shock with a lil bit of happiness before he goes back to shielded.

He points at me, "No, I'm sorry Stiles but that won't happen. Look I don't hate you and I don't just stomach you or whatever else you have said about this. I like you as a friend, but even then I don't think that would look out. Let's stay as friends and leave it at that."

I let out a puff of air and really hope I'm not crying right now even if Derek can smell my emotions.

"Stiles," he starts to say but I shake my head and lift my hand to stop him.

"Don't say anything else, please. I get it in still just a kid to you and that's all I'll ever be even if you like guys. I'll see you at the meeting Derek." I pull it out the spell for the territory, "here's the spell don't let my window hit you on the way out." As I shove it at him I don't look up all I know is he takes it from my hand gently, more gentle than my mother even held me as a child, it's a bit odd from Derek.

"Stiles, it's not that you're a boy or my age. It's just…."

"I don't care Derek. I like you and if you are turning me down then do as I say. Take the spell and leave I'll see you later."

I don't look up to see him leave, but what surprises me he goes to the bedroom door and leaves. I try to keep myself calm as I wait for Derek to leave the house. I hear the front door open and shut as if someone was upset, but controlling it. I message Scott I'm not sure I'll make it to the meeting, but only cover if I'm not less than 10 minutes later. As the message sends I let the tears start to fall. I try to wipe my eyes as it goes, but it only makes me feel worse. I feel worse than anytime Lydia had turned me down. Lydia… maybe she can help me with this.

As she walks in and sees my states she sighs as she drops a grocery bag onto my bed, "You told him how you feel."

Even if it's not a question I, not my head as I wipe my eyes. It's not until my second helping of ice cream that I start talking, "It's not like I was asking him to go out with me but what his face showed was the opposite of his words plus how he said no. Lyd's I'm not sure what I can do here. I like Derek a lot, and if he distanced himself from me what would I do."

My phone goes off and I look at the caller ID and push it to Lyds, "I'm not here."

She gives me looks before she answers, "Stiles' phone, how can I help you?" she silent before she sighs, "He needed to talk to me about something. I guess we lost track of time. I don't think we'll make it to the meeting tonight…. I know it's rare for either of us to skip out…. Look Derek Stiles is upset and won't tell me why. So we're talking about spells and that that might be useful for the pack. Look I'll talk to you later Derek Stiles is coming back."

I can faintly hear a growl as she hangs up and hands me back my phone.

"Are you trying to get me killed?"

"Nope, but maybe he'll pull his head from where ever it's fucking lodged."

"Lydia, he might have turned me down but he pretty much runs the pack cause Scott is really only moral control here."

She shakes her head looking at me with her beautiful green eyes, "You turn the pack Stiles. You just wait for one of the alphas to give the okay to your plans and ideas even though they would anyways. Except when you wanted you to kill Thro."

I shrug my shoulders, "Well Derek hadn't come back yet for that and who didn't want to kill Theo."

She does that face she does when she's slightly thinking, but already agrees with me, "True, but he was a help in a way."

I shrug as I finish off all the ice cream, "Was this all we had?"

"Yeah, but," she digs into her bag pulling a bottle of vodka out, "I did take this from mom. I mean we have the summer then off to school for us."

I now my head not sure how I feel about us all moving away like we are. Though I'm going the farthest off to new York for Cuny John Jay College on almost a full scholarship.

"Stiles just wait and see will pull his head from his ass. Look we'll call Cora and ask her. I have the number to the pack in South America she runs with. We can ask her opinion on her brother she said she liked ya. Though you're not her type."

Lydia nods her head as she looks at me trying not to laugh so much at my pain.

"Stiles, you know he has feelings for you romantically there's just something holding him back. We all know that and it might have to deal with Paige."

"What the hell are you 2 talking about?" I look up to see a glaring Cora at my window.

"What the hell is wrong with your family? Do you have a thing against doors?"

She gives me a look, "I kind of does. Plus you're in here why bother with anything else?"

"Why are you here, Cora?"

"Well my brother is acting like a stick is up to his ass and the only person who can seem to do that to him now is you. So what happened? Did you turn him down or something?"

I give her a look, "No, he turned me down. I just decided that I would stay here with Lydia today cause well she has liquor and ice cream."

"Nice to know where your loyalty lies. Wait he turned you down…. My idiot of a brother had turned you down."

"I didn't give him a chance he said it wasn't age or that fact I have a dick. He was going to lie to me I know he was. He just got a look on his face that he gets when he lies. So if that's what he's going to do then I won't listen to him."

Cora sighs as she looks at me, "Stiles, from what I can barely remember of Paige you are just like her and how he kinda treated you is a more over the top way he acted towards her. You're clever, you don't take his shit, you don't fit in a regular place in society, you care about him even he can see that, the way he looks at you when you leave, and so much more Stiles. I can tell you that this is how he does sure he acts tough and he doesn't care. That's not true. I think he's scared to lose you even more if he got close to you like that. He's not good at that think it all started with Paige and our family. He doesn't know what he'd become if he would truly allow himself to love again, especially if he would lose you. He'd probably lose all hope. Derek with no hope is not something we want to see. He had gotten a few boxes with Laura's stuff and she had a journal for each year since she turned 12 until Peter killed her. The ones after the fire for the first couple years were her talking about her worry for Derek. She thought he would kill himself. She feared for his life. So she'd be happy to meet you, Stiles. She'd love you just as much as we do."

I smile at her not really believing her words for most of it, but I could see Derek being manically depressed after his parents had died, but I can also picture him staying alive just for he could find and kill Kate.

"Yeah, well Derek is a lil stubborn I don't think he'd ever purposely kill himself if he was feeling like that it'd only make him fight even more. He'd get destructive, but he'd never take his own life."

She looks at me with a gentle look as she nods her head, "I'm glad you seem to know my brother well enough, Stiles. I leave him in your capable hands than anything."

"Why do you say as if you are already leaving?"

"My plan is to leave after the wards or whatever placed around the territory. I'm going with you and my brother mostly cause I feel if I need to I'll get most of the work done while you 2 talk it out or whatever the hell you do."

I chuckle as I look at her as Lydia simply sits there staring at the 2 of us, "You 2.. Are you done yet?"

"Yes, we're done. Though Cora will you go back to your brother's tonight, but I'm sure either way you'll only see him tomorrow much like I."

"True, I think a drink sounds nice to do you hide the werewolf stuff here?"

"Of course I just don't drink it cause well I'd rather not get sick or die."'

"Well, you 2 drink that and I'll have some of Scott's stash. Thank you, Stiles," she laughs as I hand her a bottle that I had made and hidden away.

"What the hell are you doing?" I feel someone shaking my bed.

I groan as I curl up against something warm next to me. I hear a laugh as I do so and groan even more, "What the hell happened last night?"

"Well we got drunk and oh my god did you get cuddly when you're drunk. So, Stiles, I'd let me go before my brother tries to rip your arms off."

"Fine," I mumble as I turn over only to fall off my own bed, "You guys are mean. It's my bed." Looking up I see Derek and I groan and I let my head fall down from the light, "Derek, why are you here?"

"Well it's the weekend and we have a perimeter to check and spell to cast. So if I were you I'd take a shower and get dressed for a long day's walk."

I look up at him as I pout, but I know he's right, "Fine, but please can you werewolves just use my front door or something, my window is not meant for this."

I don't' hear an answer as I go shower and I don't really keep a good track of time as I shower and get dressed. As I walk into my room I find Cora and Derek talking all hush hush.

"What are you 2 talking about?"

Derek looks back at me, "Nothing really just about the plan for the day. Come on let's head out to the preserve and do our this spell."

"How much walking I've done today is by far the most that I've done in my life," I whine.

"Stiles shut up. We've barely walked a few miles."

"That's not what my phone's pedometer is telling me."

"Shut up," the Sourwolf growls out at me.

I stop in my tracks as I toss my bag to Cora, "Make me Sourwolf. This is ridiculous. How long do you plan on acting like this? I know that you aren't really like this Derek. Imean you're so nice to everyone else. I mean yeah sure you seem to give Scott more stink eyes than me, but that's cause he's a bit of an idiot."

I hear a mumbled, "nice way of putting it."

I look at Derek, but I don't say anything cause he's kind of right. "Why the hell am I the 1 to come out where you can easily kill me and dispose of the body?"

"You mean besides the fact that everyone that is in our circle knows where we are? Let's see Lydia would probably be worse off along with Erica and such. Also, you seem to be the only one that has an affinity with magic."

I stick my tongue out at him and he rolls his eyes.

"Is all you 2 do is do that play fighting?"

Play… fighting… what the hell is Cora talking about?

My phone goes off and I sigh at the timing. I open up my phone to find that Scott had messaged me. I open it to find a photo of almost a female version of myself.

I message him back, ' **Who the hell is that? She looks just like me.** '

Derek and Cora look at me as they carve the symbols into a few of the trees and placing the herbs around the break.

My phone dings and I quickly open it, ' **Dude, I know I said to leave Paige and that in the past but she looks just like you. If I didn't know better I'd say she was your twin.** '

"What the living fuck?" I slap my hand over my mouth when I realize that I said that out loud, but I can't help it. It's pretty true what both Cora and Scott had said about Paige and me. I'd almost think we were the same person or twins. No wonder Derek has a problem with me for so many of reasons.

"What did you say?" Derek asked a bit worried and at the same time curious.

I watch his face and body language and I groan not being able to keep this to myself, "This."

I open my phone to show the picture of the memorial page for Paige from Derek's yearbook. He snatches my phone and I hold my breath afraid he'd break it.

"Where the hell did you get this picture?"

"One of the pack members found an old yearbook of yours."

"How did you even know about Paige?" he asks and his voice almost sounds a bit quieter.

"Peter, who else would tell me? Look I'm sorry for what happened. Hell, I'm sorry if I remind you of her, but I'm not her. I'm sure as hell not just saying that either. Derek, we might have a lot of similarities, but I'm someone else. I'm my very own person Derek so stop treating like I'm not. Stop treating me like I'm her."

I watch as Derek's entire body goes rigid and how he simply looks at me with guilt in his eyes, "I know that, Stiles. I know that you're your own person, but you have to realize that humans are far different from humans."

"Don't you think I know that. Hell, I might as hold a 'Weak Fragile Human' sign with the way you all treat me. I get it if that's how you feel then why even let me get this far with the pack."

I hear Derek growl and Cora walk away not like it'll matter being a werewolf and all, "I don't think you're a weak and fragile human. You are anything, but weak Stiles. I just could not stand the idea of possibly losing you if I even let myself truly feel anything else but pack care. I don't think I could stand the hole that it'd leave me as my family pack bonds all had. If I lost you, Stiles, I'm sure I'd became like Peter when we first saw him together."

"You mean feral… crazy…" he nods his head and I can't help how my hand slowly moves to cup his cheek, "Derek, I don't think you'd be anything like Peter especially if you'd ever lose me… I'm nothing."

I hear Derek growl, "That's not true. Stiles, you're the reason why we're all probably alive. You're probably the strongest of us even without the perks of being a werewolf."

"Then why do this to me? Why let me stay this long?"

Derek looks at me and I can tell he's probably a few seconds from shifting as he yells into my face, "Cause I couldn't let you go no matter what my body and mind was telling me. I couldn't let you go even if it meant you could be safe. I tried once you know that, but I was being driven crazy cause I didn't know how you really were. I was half mad not having you near or even being able to hear your voice. You are so much like Paige, but yet you are not."

I stomp down, "That's cause I'm not her, Derek! I'm anything but that. I'm my own person and sure we fit into a type for you, but we're not the same and just cause of bodily parts." Derek scuffs cause, of course, I'd go there. "Derek," I move my fingers a little bit to get his attention, "like how I'm like her but completely different that can be said about you. You are not the same person you used to be when you were 15. You are that kid, but yet cause of everything you've been through you're different. It's not a bad thing. I just wish you'd let Paige and Kate go cause you are causing yourself more pain. I know what it's like to let go of the past afraid you'd forget the important parts, but holding onto that pain will only make it more likely to happen. I know this cause of my mom. I held onto her memory, but I was so focused on how I blamed myself for her death that all I could remember for a while was what she was like towards the end. The woman that wasn't my mother. When I finally let that go I saw the woman she used to be again. So I'm not saying forget about Paige or hell even Kate, but I want you to forget that pain that they caused. Remember what you learned and the good parts, but don't bury yourself like you are. Look let's just finish the spell for the day and just call whatever the hell is between us quits cause I'm done pretending this isn't hurting even if I just pretty much told you how I felt cause it's been a tiring 2 years."

Cora seems to pop out of nowhere, "I have everything set up. We just need to get to the road and connect the lines and do the spell for the day."

I smile at her sadly as I nod, "Alright, let's finish this I'm tired."

To say the next half hour to hour was awkward would be a little bit of an understatement. Derek and my places had been switched cause he started to babble a lil bit and I just ignored him not wanting to hear his excuses. To say when I make my way home Cora looks a little disapproving of how I'm acting, but at the same time, she seems proud.

Sitting in my room I sigh as I start up on my homework mostly to fill my mind with that instead of Derek…. I turn around to see Derek lurking there in the corner and I sigh. Huh, wonder if he ever did that to Paige? I slap myself for thinking that as I look at him again lifting an eyebrow.

He sighs that almost sounds like a growl, "Why do you make it so hard to talk to you?"

"What the hell does that mean? I didn't say anything!" I shout at him.

He groans… growls.. "That's not what I meant Stiles and you know it. You know I suck with words as you've called me a few times I'm a failwolf. Look, Stiles… I know you're not Paige and I know you're your own person. I'm not an idiot, but the idea that I could lose you even now hurts more than anything. Just thinking of that makes me freeze up. All I do is worry about you and I'd never like to think of what it'd be without you."

I stare at him and he seems to be a bit more awkward waiting for my answer so I just ask, "What are you getting at?"

"I'm trying to say that I'd like to give dating a try. I just as you said put Paige and Kate in the past. I need to stop comparing people to them. Worried about being hurt for many reasons and I know you'd probably be a pain in the ass to make sure none of that happens."

I smile at him and I watch his shoulders start to relax when he sees it, "Damn right I would. So can I get a kiss to seal the deal."

He groans as he walks over to me, "Is it too late to change my mind?"

"Yes, of course, it is. No, take backsies."

He gives me a small secret smile, "Alright."

I feel his arms wrap around me as he places a few fingers under my chin to have me look at him. Then I feel his lips on my own and I have to say it's probably one of the best feelings out there. When we pull apart I feel a goofy grin appear on my face.

"You love me," I tell him with the grin growing even wider as a hint of red appears on Derek's cheeks, "Sourwolf loves me."

He goes to let me go with a half smirk on his lips, "I give up. Sorry, Stiles, I take it back."

"Hey," I shout as I grab him.

I feel him laughing as I hold onto his arm as tight as I can and I groan, "Very funny."

"What don't you love me?" the way he asks and I see a small light brighten his eyes my stomach flips.

"Of course. Now about sex."

"God, why do I love you," he groans with the same smile still on his lips.

"Who knows?" I tell him as I steal another kiss that he happily gives.


End file.
